My Testimony

I want to start off my first post sharing my testimony so let’s go! I grew up in a christian household, my parents were both born in Brazil and came to the states when they were still in their teens. Going into a little of my parents story, my mom was the first christian of her entire family and soon after my dad as well came to know christ through my mom’s prayers. I was born in 04’, the first child and daughter. I had a pretty normal childhood and lived the only child dream until my sister came into the picture. My parents always taught us about the Lord, it really was their life mission to this day to see us walking with Him. There are so many videos of me being 3-4 years old preaching to my 1 year old sister about Noah. I hope if my sister reads this she knows how much she is loved. We have so many great memories and will continue to make more! Looking back at those videos makes me pretty emotional. Seeing how the Lord beautifully wove everything together up until this point. As I started to get to my teenage years that’s when things did take a turn. I had grown up in then same church that I still serve at to this day. I have the most amazing friends that I grew up with since I was born. Poly, Julie, and Victoria. It was always us. We have been there for each other through every stage of life up until here. If you guys are reading this love you guys! I was a very introverted person, I was very shy and did not really have friends in school. It was always just the girls, since my life was basically just school, work, and church.

As soon as I got baptized in 2018, before high school was when it all started. The desires to be loved weighed heavy on me. And because of this a few months into my freshman year of high school I got into a relationship that lasted about 1.5 years. Those 1.5 years of my life created so much scars on my heart. I did not guard my heart the way I had been taught to. The relationship was very toxic. He was not christian. It drained me and distanced me from my friends. I fell into a deep depression, and anxiety. I started to cut myself and have major panic attacks. Then 2020 hits, I took the decision to end the relationship, I slowly started to find my way back to the Lord. I really had no other option but to go to him with my mess and pain. I wish that this was the end and that I was healed. Eventually I did go back to that relationship but it broke me even more. I felt even more abandoned, lonely, and empty. My heart was not in full surrender to God. It started to become a cycle, searching for love in people who never would be able to satisfy the longing in my heart. Because of this I fell for someone who also was just as broken as me. We bonded in our brokenness, creating an even stronger bond because of our similarity. Emotions started to intertwine, making it harder to let go. It created such a strong soul tie. We would always go back to each other no matter the time that had passed in between. But I was still seeking God, I still sang and played at church. Just because I was in church did not mean that I had actually encountered the man Jesus and experienced His affections for me.

Fast forwarding to my senior year of high school, I was still deciding what I wanted to do. I either wanted to be a vet or do psychology. But there was a thirst in my heart to do theology, to know more about Him. I was learning so much about Jesus my senior year that I needed more. So I started to look at schools, my options were CFNI or IHOPU. My mom would always have IHOPKC’s prayer room on every morning in the house. I wanted a smaller community where I would be able to know everyone, a more close knitted community. I told my parents about the two and my mom would only let me go to IHOPU (she also knew more about IHOPKC than CFNI and as the first daughter leaving the house, it was a big deal). So that was the winner! Why did I choose a christian school rather than any other school? One night I was praying about choosing to go to school of one of the two professions I had wanted to do and God spoke to me saying “You need to lay the foundation of my word in your heart first”. That was my “here I am send me” moment. I did visit KC before applying and as soon as I stepped foot into the prayer room I felt peace, I felt in my father’s arms. As I started to count down the days until I packed up my life to move across the country, waves of sadness would pass. I was excited to live something new, but I was leaving behind everything I knew. It was probably one of the hardest things to leave everything behind. But, I knew that God had so many beautiful things waiting of me there. I still believe to this day if it weren’t for God speaking me to go, I would most likely not be following the Lord right now. I believe he took me out my hometown to start my healing process. KC was the best two years of my life. I still do not have the words to describe the people, the prayer room. It was heaven on earth. The heavens were opened in that place. The friendships I encountered there will be ones that I will have for the rest of my life. God transformed me. Someone came up to me and said “ Jesus is doing heart surgery on you, He is gentle and patient with you”. I carry that to this day. The way he has taken care of my heart has been one of the sweetest things to see in my own life. The way I finally encountered His love for me, completely wrecked me. I have never been the same after those 2 years. I could sit here and keep writing about all He did. But I’ll keep that for my next posts.

There a came a difficult time where the school had to close it’s doors, because of this I had to go back home. In the beginning of my second year, God had spoken to me that I would go back home. But never for the reason that I thought it would be. So I went back home. I went back with a lot of disappointment in my heart. I did not want to go back to the very place that had all my past and hurt hanging over my head. I did not want to go back to my room, the looming depression in that room. I spent months not able to open my bible. Before even coming back home, during December 2024, someone who I considered a big sister to me passed away. 2024 was one of the hardest years of my life, in my walk with the Lord. Soon after coming back home my grandpa passed away. Dealing with disappointment and anger broke me again. It felt like all God had been building and healing in me in those two years at school all just was washed away (more on this in the future). Until I had nowhere to turn to. I knew God was calling me into a place of deeper healing. He was trying to treat my heart, it was uncomfortable, and it was so very painful. I had to relearn how to go back to the normal day to day life. That was the hardest. After living the supernatural, to living the mundane life. It was from this place that birthed this blog. I want this to be a place where we learn together how to walk with Jesus in the simple ways of life. Through all of our busy schedules. God has brought forth beauty in the simple that I did not think possible. We have forgotten that there is so much beauty to be encountered right where we are, me being one of them. He is teaching me everyday that he just wants the simple. He has created a spring of living water in places of my life where it was a desert land. He has taught me that there are so many adventures with Him just waiting for me. I don’t know where you are in this season of your life but I pray that God reveals to you that, that through my testimony there is still so much joy in life waiting for you. His leadership is perfect. Keep surrendering more and more and see that one day your eyes will open to see the beauty springing forth all around you!

“He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord’s favor has come, and with it, the day of God’s anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory.”

‭‭ Isaiah‬ ‭61:2-3‬

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